VforVadge

With all the conversation about major outbreaks of diseases like Ebola and Rotovirus – it’s definitely time to re-visit the ever so popular conversation of Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Let’s look at the 5 most common STD’s and their symptoms. Of course, I’ll gently lecture you on the importance of protection as well.

Class is now in session.

HPV (Human Papillomavirus)

As the most common STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection), this is the one to watch. It’s possible to go your whole life without knowing you have HPV, and most sexually active individuals will have it at some point. There are over 30 types of HPV that can be spread sexually, and that includes oral, anal and vaginal intercourse. You can also contract HPV (AKA Genital Warts) through skin to skin contact.

HPV and its symptoms…

Chlamydia

Though it may not seem as popular, Chlamydia is actually the most commonly reported sexually transmitted disease in the United States. It is contracted most popularly through anal and vaginal sex, but can be spread orally as well. While Chlamydia may be asymptomatic, once infected there may be uncomfortable side effects. 

As a bacterial infection, antibiotics are administered to treat this disease.

Gonorrhea

This disease can be contracted along with Chlamydia and share similar symptoms; “unusual discharge from the vagina or penis, or pain or burning when you pee. Most men with gonorrhea get symptoms, but only about 20% of women do.”

Syphilis

This disease has four stages, and can often appear as a less severe issue, like a cut or an ingrown hair.  “The secondary stage starts with a rash on your body, followed by sores in your mouth, vagina, or anus.”  The third stage is usually when symptoms go into hiding, which means the Syphilis can go unnoticed for years (even the rest of your life).

Untreated, this disease can spread to the brain and create a number of complications.  World renowned painter Vincent Van Gogh was diagnosed and cured of syphilis and there have even been famous individuals who died at the hands of syphilis complications.

HIV 

While it comes in three stages, it is crucial to recognize the beginning signs of HIV infection. Symptoms include:

• Headache
• Diarrhea
• Nausea and vomiting
• Fatigue
• Aching muscles
• Sore throat
• Red rash that doesn’t itch, usually on the torso.
• Fever

Read: “A Man With HIV” 

If you feel you have been in contact with HIV – seek medical attention IMMEDIATELY. Advances in medicine make it possible for doctors to prevent HIV from taking hold within the body. These practices are used  with high-hazard occupations such as firefighters, policemen and other health care workers (EMT’s, Nurses, etc.) who come in contact with bodily fluids and potential infection. These drugs have to be taken hours to days after potential HIV exposure.

There is a latent period, the Second Stage – where there are little to no symptoms of HIV. People may continue to function without knowing that they are infected with the disease and can infect others with HIV. This asymptomatic stage can last for 10 or more years.

More about the Second and Third Stage of HIV 

It is very important to seek medical attention if you know or feel you have been in contact with HIV. Not only does it give you a better chance of treatment (possibly avoidance) and survival, but it is the best way to ensure that infection stops at you.

When we all get serious about HIV and STD transmission, the spread of these diseases will cease.  Putting on a condom takes a few seconds, and could possibly save your life – just do it.

How to Put On a Condom 

Resources: 

http://www.famouspeoplearehuman.com/famous-people-syphilis.htm

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sexually-transmitted-diseases-stds/in-depth/std-symptoms/art-20047081

http://www.webmd.com/hiv-aids/features/man-hiv

http://www.webmd.com/hiv-aids/guide/understanding-aids-hiv-symptoms

Domestic Violence: Why I’m Tired of the Ray Rice Story…

It’s been plastered all over the news, on WorldStar, and Facebook. Don’t forget Instagram, too. However, that’s not the reason I am tired of seeing the video footage of Ray Rice punching his wife Janay in an Atlantic City elevator (No, I will not show the clip). It’s happening all over the world to people of all races, colors, orientations and nationalities. As a journalist and therapist in training, it is evident that there are always three sides to the story; his side, her side – and the truth.

Like most of my peers from Mount Vernon, NY – I grew up with both Ray and Janay. Our rival towns (Mount Vernon and New Rochelle) competed against each other in nearly every sport – and my friends and I would frequent the games to show our support. We’ve fought our way through rivalry madness together and danced with each other at NYC clubs. He’s no stranger to me, and neither is his beautiful wife. It’s the reason why this story made my heart sink the moment I saw him pulling her out of that elevator. I’d heard about what happened before it even went public.

As the media typically does, it has begun the ratings race to vilify Ray and make him a social outcast. Not only has he lost his NFL contract, he has been ostracized and called an “abuser,” which none of us truly know for sure. I would use the word “aggressor” in this instance, as there has been no prior history of abuse between the two of them. Not saying that it hasn’t happened before – we just haven’t heard about it. Due to that fact, it is sad to see him made out to be a wife beater – whether he is or is not stands to be seen. I wish the world would be objective in their stance and take a moment to consider the aggressor’s issues as well, which may cause some of my readers to raise an eyebrow or even get angry. Only once have I heard someone publicly show “support” for Ray Rice as an individual. His teammate, Justin Forsett stated in an interview that he “would not abandon him” in his time of need. As we circle around Janay in love and support, let us please remember that somewhere out there exists a man in dire need of help, therapy and recovery.

Fact: Domestic Violence accounts for 48% of all arrests in the NFL. 

I think physical abuse towards anyone is absolutely disgusting, please understand that. I’ve watched some of my loved ones get hit by their parents, spouses, boyfriends. Hell, I’ve experienced it myself! It saddens me to think that anyone would continue to subject themselves to such abuse, but I know the hardships that many face when trying to leave an abusive relationship. Please keep in mind, readers, that this event happened in February of 2014. It is now September – and the media is just starting to pay attention. Who knows what Ray and Janay have been doing behind closed doors. How do we know that they are not seeking therapy together? Just as a drug addict needs rehabilitation, so does an aggressor – even more so, an abuser. How does a person get better if they don’t receive help? Many abusers continue a life of anger and violence because no one took the time to listen. No one chose to look at that person and say, “Ray, seriously – you need help man. Let’s go get you some therapy.” The bottom line is, society will not take abuse seriously until WE take abuse seriously. We are society! These are our mothers, brothers, cousins and best friends out here hurting, and the best we can do is tweet how disgusted we are or re-play the video clip on YouTube? Come on, everyone – we’ve got to do better. If you know someone you care about is suffering from or engaging in abuse – encourage them to get help. Don’t turn a blind eye. We cannot make bad guys out of abusers if we allow them to continue the abuse. In that sense, we are guilty by association.

One major problem I am seeing with society today is that things are so dispensable, so disposable. If a watch stops working, we throw it away – albeit how expensive or cheap it may be. For, it is far easier to buy a new one than to seek the repair of a watch maker. People are no longer taking the time to repair relationships; it’s “no new friends,” and “fuck love,” and all of the other modern-day phrases. Do I think they need time apart? Yes. Do I know if they’ve spent any time apart? No. What I know is that men and women deserve to be treated as such, and not put down or thrown into isolation like unwanted animals.

So, what happens when the human being you know is turned into a monster? When the same people holding pennants and chanting at the football games are now holding torches and screaming insults at your gate? How are you expected to assimilate back into regular life? Just a question.

How quickly we are forgotten in our darkest hour… 

I absolutely feel that anyone in a situation of physical or mental abuse should seek help. Whether it be a shoulder to cry on or assistance with an escape plan – SEEK HELP. Don’t wait until it gets out of control to leave, whether you are the abused or the abuser. Below, I have included resources to national assistance, and I hope that you are encouraged to utilize them. They are free to you – and may be the difference between time in therapy, or time in jail. Abuse is a one way street, is 100% preventable, and we must stress to the abuser (including Ray Rice) that he/she needs help even more than the abused.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women

LoveIsRespect.org

TEAR – Teans Experiencing Abusive Relationships

Do you think this issue was handled properly? I’d love to hear your thoughts…

How to Use a Penis Sleeve

I’ve had people asking what a penis sleeve is for – and as we know, I love a good tutorial. Silicone penis sleeves are typically used to add girth and length to a penis during intercourse. Many of them have ridged textures for added pleasure sensation, but there are quite a few that are smooth as well. They will be available shortly at LeVadge Shop – but until then, take a look at my new video!

There are so many different sleeves to try; smooth, ribbed, ridges, studded, vibrating – the possibilities for pleasure are endless.  You may wonder why you’d want to try a penis sleeve, the question is – why wouldn’t you? The sleeve adds length and girth to the penis shaft, which allows penises of various sizes to touch erogenous zones they may not ordinarily have been able to. This creates a more intense sexual experience, and often increases the chances for orgasm.

As always, if you have any questions – feel free to contact me at vforvadge@gmail.com, or Like Me on Facebook! 

Awkward Question: Help – Save My Marriage!!

I’ve been going back and forth with myself in regards to actually sending you this email for months now. I thought I could fix it on my own but it is obvious to me now after numerous failed attempts that the issue may be more complicated than I first believed it to be.

My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 5. Sex life was amazing up until last year after I gave birth. He loves it and it’s actually annoying to me how often he requests it. I dread the moment when he rolls over at night. I’ve really put some thought into it and I’ve ruled out me being a lesbian, and I know that I still love him. I just don’t get those feelings often anymore and when I do they are fleeting. Anything longer than 10 minutes and I’m like forget this, get off of me.

I know that my physical insecurities may be putting up a barrier and the extra responsibilities in the house probably don’t make it better, but I want to fix this. I don’t want to be the reason that what we have falls apart. I recently planned a stay-cation for us to see if time away from our regular life would bring back that old feeling, but it was a complete and total flop. I still wasn’t interested. Now there we’re definitely other factors that interfered with out little getaway such as him getting a stomach virus and most of our party plans being cancelled because of it, but I still expected to be able to enjoy a couple of nights ALONE with him.

I have suggested counseling for other issues in our marriage, but I feel like I’m the only one to blame for this particular problem. He tries, and he reassures me that he doesn’t notice the many flaws I point out regularly. Although, and his lack of affection outside of the bedroom may be a factor too. It really sucks not to be able to be the woman you want to be for your husband.

SO tell me… do I need a psychologist? A therapist? or should I just suck it up and go to the gym so I can be happy with myself and therefore be happy with my husband again? Please help me save my marriage!

– Anon Ymous

Hi “Anon,”

First, thank you for contacting me with your concern – it takes a lot to acknowledge a problem and even more to seek assistance.

From the outside looking in, it appears that your personal insecurities may be turning you off from intimacy. As women, sometimes we over think the process when we really should be enjoying the moment. I had my first child last year, so I know first hand the changes that our bodies go through and recover from. Your husband clearly loves you throughout and regardless of your current journey.

Quite frankly, we often have the answer to our questions stored inside ourselves and it seems like you have a clear understanding of your needs. Therapy is a great way to hash out underlying issues in a neutral setting – you can tell hubby how you feel about the lack of PDA and work towards improving it. The gym/exercise may help your overall mood as well as get your body to the state that’s most appealing to you. Biologically, exercise releases chemicals that make us feel good AND increase our sex drive. Don’t be surprised if you’re the one initiating it with time.

Keep in mind through all this, that it is completely normal to feel the way you do. Finding healthy solutions early on can definitely get your marriage and love life back on track. The phrase “happy wife, happy life” rings true as you are able to manage the household better when you take time to make yourself feel good. Everything else typically falls into place shortly after.
I’m actually working on a feature about fitness and sex drive – just goes to show that you’re not the only one on this earth with the same concern. Please continue to show your husband love throughout your quest, and I am positive that everything will work just fine.

If you have any more questions or just need to vent – I am always available at vforvadge@gmail.com.

Love and light,

Kimani

Photo via http://www.onlymyhealth.com

“Bout It”

“I want it now. Are you up?”

I’ll never forget those texts, no matter how much I try to forget them. Hop in my EK and ride out – because what else do you do at 2am? Short shorts, a crop top and my curls pulled up in a bun. I call that the “put it down” attire. Get the job done and go home.

My body loved it – I’d drive home and almost doze off behind the wheel. My brain, though? Racing harder than my K-20 engine.

What am I doing? Is the sex really worth it? Do I see myself being with this guy?

Honestly, no. But until my vagina came to her senses, my feet would tap that gas pedal so he could tap this ass. I’d clutch his shaft like I was switching gears…

Too bad the car lasted longer than we did.

Ironic, huh?

Afropunk happened to take place on the weekend of my wedding anniversary, so I missed out on all the festivities. Luckily, I was able to live vicariously through the mind of my Vadge writer, Charlie. The eyes were provided by Kai Bush, and his vivid view was further enhanced by Charlie’s storytelling skills. Feast, my dears… – Kimi

For the past 10 years, the AfroPunk Festival has provided its visitors with live music from various genres, food from different cultures as well as up and coming local vendors whose products are all hand crafted and typically one of a kind. As the name suggests, the one thing that connects the variety involved is that everything comes as part of the the Black Experience. Settled in Brooklyn,NY even in 2014, it still seems rare to hear of black heavy metal bands. Our involvement and interest in techno or popular queer rappers, but whatever lifestyles Black folks lead, they all can be found represented at the AfroPunk Festival.

In my previous year attending the festival, I have had the pleasure of seeing Erykah Badu perform at  AfroPunk 11’. At the time, it was my first experience and I literally had no idea what to expect. I remember recalling self taught lessons of “black people don’t…” right before walking into the festival and having the statement blow up in my face. It was the idea that we actually do that I was fighting against..I tend to be the exception in many of  my circles as to what black people, fat people, women, New Yorkers, West Indians, don’t do. When waiting in line to enter the festival, men and women alike could easily be classified as goth, alternative, hippies,afrocentric and weirdos by societal standards. The variety of folks made me feel right at home. I can’t say that I recall any other performances I attended due to the fact that I was overwhelmed that Black people led these various lifestyles. People were attending  from everywhere  across the nation and across the world, yet we could all be found in this one space, enjoying one another.

This year, it was a family affair. My mother, younger brother, aunt and cousin all came out to experience AfroPunk. Much to my surprise, the jewelry,art and clothing vendors were a major delight to them. For my mother, it was extremely important and valuable to see Black people supporting their communities by purchasing from local Black vendors and businesses. Although it did come as a shock to her that there were so many different sorts of folks there who did not fit the stereotype of what Black people were, it was still just as much of a pleasure for her. My 15 year old brother’s interest was piqued when he saw the stations in support of ending police brutality, recalling recent events in Ferguson,MI and the various Black men who have been murdered due to police brutality and racism throughout the U.S. Any petition to show support, he wanted to sign his name on the dotted line. He was disappointed to find that he was not old enough to vote nor was he able to join the NAACP chapter in New York but it was great to see him ready and willing to support.  I was able to attend many more performances this year including an artist who is very important to me by the name of $1Bin. Other artists I had the pleasure of seeing were SZA, Meshell Ndegeocello, D’Angelo and Cakes Da Killa. I was in love with the amount of people wearing their natural hair in various styles and dyed in some of the most beautiful colors I had ever seen. I think it is safe to say that no one is ashamed of being Black this weekend. When the called was made for Black Power, fists and a long moment of silence spread through the crowd.

A major take away from the weekend is that events like these need to be shared throughout communities. There are so many stigmas and stereotypes that even Black folks are unaware of. It is important for us as a community to see ourselves as beautiful, as important as diverse not only across cultures but across lifestyles. We are just as limitless and unique as everyone else on this planet.

Did you make it to AfroPunk? How was your experience? 

More Photos – via Kai Bush Photography:

Microbeads; Know Your Materials…

*Update: As of December 2015, microbeads have been banned in the United States **

Most people have a regimen when it comes to getting ready to start the day. For me, I like to head to the gym, come home and shower, exfoliate with a good scrub, and prepare for the hours to come. I’ve never really been into fancy facial care products, but I do love exfoliation. One way that many people choose to do this is by using face products containing microbeads. They leave your skin feeling soft and pores looking cute – but what exactly are they? Today, we’ll take a look at the composition of microbeads and what you’re really doing with them.

Microbeads are tiny bits of plastic, typically shaped like microscopic pearls and found in popular cosmetic items like facial scrub and toothpaste. They are effective in scrubbing off dead skin and shrinking pores, but also have a dangerous side that do not get much coverage. Microbeads have even been found inside live fish being prepared for consumption. I used to think that they burst while you were washing your face and dissolved into the water, then I discovered that microbeads are not water soluble. This truly made me nervous, so I decided to do a little research.

Can you imagine eating those little plastic beads?

The thought is scary, but is very much a real threat, despite food regulations that call for inspection of fish before hitting retailers. Think about Uncle Joe as he fishes in the lake and brings some home to cook for dinner. You could be enjoying plastic crusted grouper. Yeah, that’s real.

So, what’s the alternative to microbeads? 

Try an all natural exfoliator like a salt/sugar scrub or a body wash/bar containing exfoliating oatmeal. There are plenty of other ways to exfoliate your skin, while avoiding the potentially dangerous effects of microbeads.

Sound Off: Do you use microbeads? Think you’ll reconsider them with the new ban in place?

Resources:

CBS News

Huffington Post

Time.com

CNN.com  

Our favorite LGBT advocate, Charlie gives a quick, yet vivid look into what it means to be a Pansexual individual. You may have heard the word being used lightly, like when artist Angel Haze discussed her pansexuality. Take a peek into Charlie’s world and perhaps you may gain some insight…

According to Webster’s Dictionary, Pansexuals are “people who exhibit or imply many forms of sexual expression.”

In Layman’s terms, I date, love have sex with anyone regardless of their genitalia or gender expression. I have had people in utter awe because some find it to be a mind fuck, more so because they are forced to realize that there are so many different people who I date. I can be attracted to anyone across the gender expression spectrum, from trans folks to intersex folks to those who identify as gender-fluid and I could never forget cis gendered folks. For those wondering what cis-gendered is, it means that your gender identity matches the sex you were assigned at birth. None the less, even with all of the “options” of being able to date. The best way I can make the connection to those who are heterosexual or otherwise is, we all have a preference as far as how feminine, masculine our partners are, including but not limited to how they dress, facial/body features, characteristics, y’all get the point. For a Pansexual, it is literally the same thing just without their “sexual organs” being apart of the equation.

How did this all come about for me you ask?

When I was in my freshman year of high school, I came out to friends and fellow classmates as Bi-sexual. Back then people believed that there was no way that bisexuals could actually exists. It was either you liked one or the other. Responses like “y’all are just greedy” and “you must be confused” shadowed my chosen sexual identity. Even after coming out as a Lesbian and later on as Queer, the confusion persisted but definitely became much more watered down as it seemed people became more comfortable with celebrities coming out as Gay, Lesbian or Queer as well. But even with my final I.D. I did not feel as comfortable. Something about the other identities I claimed did not fully encompass who I was attracted to nor who I enjoyed sex with. If you didn’t know, now you know, there is a difference between who you love and choose to be in a relationship with and people you just enjoy sex with. That may be best left for another article. Currently and finally, I identify as a Pansexual.

Now, it seems the other reason that a lot of people don’t know about Pansexuals is because our sexual preference can cloak us in other sexual identifiers such as heterosexual, bisexual, gay or lesbian at any given moment. For those out there reading this and feeling like we are tricking people, being greedy or whatever other thing you may think, refer back to the first paragraph of this article. It is really that simple.

People like what they like, are attracted to all sorts of other folks and although many people don’t want to admit it, genitals is the last thing that attracts us to another person.

Have a question for Charlie? Send it to us anonymously – don’t be afraid to ask!

With the current news featuring the outbreak, this month’s Ebola scare starts to feel like an episode of the Walking Dead. Many believe the disease is transmitted simply by touching an infected individual, but there is quite a bit more to the explanation. Today’s Awkward Question is:

Can You get Ebola From Sex?

To understand transmission, we must first get an idea of what Ebola actually is. It is a rare, but deadly infection that causes internal and external bleeding of the body. Ebola gets its name from the Ebola River, which is near one of the villages in the Democratic Republic of Congo where the disease first appeared. The disease commonly strikes remote villages of Central and West Africa. Also known as Ebola Hemoragic (for the bleeding) Fever, the disease kills up to 90% of the people it infects.

What are the Symptoms of Ebola?

Many of the early symptoms of Ebola look like the flu or other mild illnesses. They include:

· Fever

· Headache

· Muscle aches

· Sore throat

· Weakness

· Diarrhea

As the disease gets worse, people who are infected may develop:

· Bleeding inside and outside of the body

· Rash

· Trouble breathing

How Can You Tell if Someone Has Ebola?

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if a person has Ebola from the symptoms alone.

Doctors may first test for other diseases that have the same symptoms as Ebola, such as:

· Cholera

· Hepatitis

· Malaria

· Meningitis

· Typhoid fever

Tests of the blood and tissues, such as the ELISA test, also can help diagnose Ebola.

If someone might have Ebola, they should be isolated from the public immediately to help prevent the spread of Ebola.

How Is Ebola Treated?

Right now there is no real treatment or cure for Ebola. Doctors try to manage people’s symptoms by giving them:

· Fluids and electrolytes through a vein

· Nutrition

· Oxygen

How is Ebola Contracted?

Contrary to the zombie diseases shown on television, Ebola is not contracted from being bitten by a sick individual.

You can get Ebola by coming into contact with the blood or body fluids of an animal or person who is infected. Animals that often transmit the disease include monkeys, chimps and fruit bats. Once an individual is infected, he or she can spread it to others.

People often get sick with Ebola when they care for or bury a person who has the disease. Someone also can catch the virus by touching contaminated needles or surfaces

Because of the transmission risk through bodily fluids, Ebola can be contracted through sexual intercourse. This may happen if a seemingly healthy individual (possibly in the early stages of the disease) comes into intimate contact with another. It is not recommended to have intercourse if you believe you have been in contact with someone who may have the virus.

How Can You Prevent Ebola?

Currently, there is no vaccine to prevent Ebola. People can avoid catching the disease by not traveling to areas where the virus is found.

Health care workers can prevent infection by wearing masks, gloves, and goggles whenever they come into contact with people who may have Ebola.

Resources:

http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/ebola-fever-virus-infection

http://web.stanford.edu/group/virus/filo/transmission.html

I had a great time with the lovely KissyFace454 as we talked about our first anal experiences (and sipped wine). I’ll summarize it below, but check out the video for the full story. We also unboxed Kissy’s new toy from Hello Cherie – a glass, ribbed anal plug!  I’ve also included a few tips for making anal sex a bit more pleasurable for you and your partner – check it out after the jump.

My First Anal Experience…

It was a cute little vacation weekend, we went away somewhere and were in a really nice hotel. We agreed beforehand that we were gonna try it that night. A bit of tequila and lots of lube later, I had my first go at anal. It was not as bad as I expected. However, after our romantic shower and while I was oiling myself up, I felt a rush coming from my butt. I was about to poop!! I ran back into the bathroom and made it to the toilet, but I couldn’t stop the rush of poop once I sat down.

Moral of the story – poop before anal or take an enema. I suggest the enema.

Here’s a few more tips for a more comfortable anal experience…

AND

Be sure to subscribe to KissyFace454’s YouTube Channel 

Check Out Her Blog – theFourFiveFour.com

Follow Her on Instagram 

Get this product at HelloCheri.com