VforVadge

A very close relative (who shall remain nameless for now) disclosed to me this past weekend that he has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. I was speechless to the point that I sat home alone – in silence, for over an hour. Too numb to cry and get hysterical, I felt compelled to write instead. Luckily for us, said loved one gets regular screenings and takes care of his health – so there is a 70% chance of full recovery after treatment.

Thank God.

Prostate Cancer Incidence Rates* by Race and Ethnicity, U.S., 1999–2011

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Statistically, Black men are 60% more likely than White men to be diagnosed with prostate cancer and two times as likely to die from the disease.

Black men are often diagnosed at a younger age; typically by three years.

They are also more likely to have rapidly growing, “high grade” tumors.

Scary, right?

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As an Island girl growing up in both a Jamaican and Dominican household, I have watched the men in my life take ill and refuse/postpone seeing a doctor or getting treatment. It saddens me to know that so many males could have kept their lives and still been here with us had they taken control of their health. We have to wonder why this happens.

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Why Do Black Men Hate the Doctor’s Office?

As my father explains it, Black men have spent years with stigmas about doctor visits and being sick. It challenges one’s manhood if you’re sick – especially illnesses that affect your sex organs. A man will ignore symptoms of disease or sickness so that he can continue to care for his family, as if ignoring it makes it go away.

I polled a few men online to get candid responses to this question, and I was so appreciative of the answers I received. Take a look…

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“Doctors have been notorious for misdiagnosing men of color, especially Black men. After a while… some just say “what’s the point of going in the first place?”

Sadly, this is true in many instances. According to Cancer.org, “Even when information is shared, it may not be complete or accurate information – at least as it relates to black men. The overwhelming majority of published prostate cancer research studies include few (if any) black men as subjects.  This means that decisions on prostate cancer screening, diagnosis, and treatment in black men is based largely on what is known about how the disease behaves in white men.”

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“I think the distrust of doctors by Black men is deep rooted in the fact that the medical professions once saw us as guinea pigs and subhuman. Then they ran perverse experiments on us as as a result, and now we wonder if we will be the latest in a long line who become just “statistics” and “subjects” rather than being cared for as humans…” 

This reference alludes to the Tusgegee Study, conducted back in the 1930’s. Hundreds of Black men were unknowingly subject to a study under the false pretense that they were being treated for their syphilis diseases. In fact, they were not receiving proper treatment and were being observed to see what the effects of the disease would be if left untreated. This study went on for forty years until the Associated Press broke the story and it went national. Those men were scarred for life – many of them died. The fear and stigma associated with that piece of Black American history lives on to this day.

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“From my point of view, the men in my life are all Island men and they associated doctor visits with weakness. There’s also a deep rooted homophobia that stops many men from getting prostate and colon exams – which leaves many susceptible to cancers and other disease…”

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Sadly, the stereotypes of the past haunt a lot of Black men. Hopefully opening these channels of conversation will lead them to greater understanding of their bodies and how they work. Whether you seek holistic alternatives or find a trusted conventional physician – it is crucial for men (and women) to take health as a priority on the inside and outside.

So, sound off – do you find this same issue in your family/household? What are your thoughts, suggestions?

References:

Cancer.org

CDC.gov – the Tuskegee Timeline

I had the pleasure of watching 50 Shades of Grey on its opening weekend, and the feedback I’ve been receiving has been too much to ignore. Many women are enamored with Christian Grey – but why?

Is it the penetrating stare? The wealthy lifestyle? His love for a quality Dior tie?

Nope.

It’s because he’s a sadistic freak.

The thought of giving up control to someone they are attracted to entices many women. Allowing that man to invade your comfort zone and expose you to levels of pain and pleasure sounds scary but tantalizing. After watching Anastasia get spanked, flogged and snapped with the riding crop – you may be wondering what it feels like. If you felt a rush of exhilaration when he tied her up with his necktie, you may be curious to know if sex could really be good that way. A lot of you are searching for beginner’s BDSM techniques right now.

How do I know? Because Pornhub.

As one of the leading sites in pornography, it’s their job to find out what women (and men) are searching for on the internet. They can then figure out what content to feature on their world famous site in order to satisfy these ladies. Yes, women watch porn, too.

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How Many Women are Really Searching for BDSM Stuff?

Surprised? I’m not. There is a quiet allure to BDSM, especially if you only know what is written about in Fifty Shades.  We’ll talk more about this world another time, but for now – take a look at what your friends are searching for while you sit at Starbucks…

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What BDSM Terms are Women Searching For?

“Submission” is the top term, for obvious reasons. In the movie, Anastasia Steele becomes Christian Grey’s Submissive, therefore she agrees to satisfy his every need.

Next up, “BDSM” is the second most searched term, because we all need to know what it stands for before we sign any non-disclosure agreements (wink).

Oh, and BDSM is a cross of acronyms for Bondage, Dominance, Submission (Sadism) and Masochism. 

(But you knew that already.)

Third was “Dominate.” Christian exuded a dominant role and made it clear that he planned to have control over her. I think that’s where part of the attraction begins – having a strong figure want to please her in every way, as long as she pleases him sexually.

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What’s your beau or boo searching for?

BDSM Term Search by Gender

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So, now you know what your mom has been doing on her new iPad all day.

You’re welcome.

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Special thanks to Pornhub for the infographics.

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I set the scene with massage oil, edible body chocolate and  K-Y’s Yours + Mine lubricants. My Valentine’s Day began the night before. Candles lit, baby at my parents’ house, hubby coming home late from work.  I was a little bit apprehensive about the product as the commercials seem to over hype it, but it pleasantly surprised me.

The male (Yours) bottle creates a warming sensation for him, while the female (Mine) bottle stimulates the vagina with a tingling sensation.  It was an enjoyable feeling – but I can’t say I felt a super knockout when the two lubricants combined. The commercials definitely had me ready.  The “mine” bottle felt great on its own, so we may explore using the two separately to get desired effects.

At risk of getting too detailed – I will say that I enjoyed the experience and look forward to combining the two again. KY Yours + Mine definitely added another element of excitement to our festivities last night…

A few things to keep in mind:

• K-Y Yours + Mine is not a contraceptive and does not contain spermicide

• I recommend stimulating each other by applying the appropriate lubricant to the opposite lover. Foreplay can be a very important factor in arousal, and may increase the intensity of these lubricants.

• [divider]

Next: I interview my husband for his thoughts on K-Y Yours + Mine…

A good night was had by all…

Note: I was presented this product by KY in exchange for my honest review, compensation was not monetary…

Valentine’s Day is literally advertised as a holiday for lovers and couples, but what about the single people out there? If you’re looking for smart, effective strategies to help you get a quality date for Valentine’s Day – look no further. I snagged professional dating coach Todd Valentine and he’s got some great tips to help you get your dating life together this Love Day. 

If someone asked me to get a date by Valentine’s Day, I’d laugh and ask, “How many?” You see, I’ve been a professional dating coach for thirteen years, and it’s my job to get people out of their houses and into the arms of the people they desire. Ten years ago that would have been my exact advice: Get out of the house. The single biggest reason people don’t find dates is not because of boring conversation, asymmetrical faces, or poor hygiene, but the lack of interactions with their targeted demographic. If this sounds like a marketing ploy, keep reading, because that’s essentially what you do when you use online dating; my recommendation for getting quick, reliable dates in the 20-teens.

Now, online dating isn’t the only way. You could ask your friends or family to set you up. You could attend singles events before or even on the night of V-Day. You could hit up clubs and bars for numbers. In fact, all of these are great ideas because again, if you want a date, the key is giving yourself as many opportunities as possible.

But back to online dating. Can you imagine a medium in which you could interact with hundreds of people in a matter of minutes? And can you imagine that all of these people are not only open to a relationship but actively seeking one? Imagine further, that you can search specific criteria when looking for your date, i.e. height, religion, body fat percentage, etc. Well, that’s what modern online dating offers. Also, if you want a good date, people online are probably on average more literate and can at least afford a computer or smartphone. And if they turn out to be crazy? It’s a lot less awkward to end things.

So how do you do online dating effectively? If you’re a woman, pick your best photos—get some pro shots taken, if you must—and prepare yourself to be buried in messages. Do try to make sure your profile is not too psychotic. If you’re too lazy to write a profile? Go on Tinder.

If you’re a guy, on the other hand, here’s some advice I usually charge men for:

1. Make your profile stand out. I once saw this on Tinder, and I think it’s right on: “I’d rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea.”

2. Keep your first message short but memorable. And winking, liking, or swiping right works too. The point is, you’re better off contacting a lot of people and letting your pictures and profile do the work than writing a perfect message to every stranger. Cast your net wide.

3. Last one: cut to the chase. Don’t become someone’s online buddy. Once the conversation is good, move to phone numbers and/or a meet-up sooner rather than later. Remember, girls are online because they want to go on dates too.

Again, this isn’t to say online dating is the only way to go. When you have more choices, you won’t just get any date; you’ll get a date you’ll actually enjoy on Valentine’s Day. So put yourself out there in the real world as well as, of course, online.

About Todd Valentine:

“My goal is to teach you what I’ve learned the hard way about pickup, self-development and life in the most efficient, and hopefully fairly entertaining, manner possible.”

you can also check out my blog: http://valentinelife.com/

and my other channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/RSDTodd

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 Share with us: Are you looking for a date for Valentine’s? What are your concerns about being singe?

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Love it or hate it, Valentine’s Day is around the corner!  Decide to be positive and use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to have fun and possibly meet someone new.

MarriageMaterial.co is a dating site launched in early 2014 by female entrepreneur Dana Michel as an online solution exclusively for marriage-minded singles searching for true love as opposed to flings or casual hook-ups.

TOP TIPS FOR SINGLES TO STAYING SANE THIS VALENTINE’S DAY

 # 1 Get a Wingman/Wingwoman

Get a friend to go out with you on Valentine’s Day. His/her job is to help you strike up conversations with interesting people. That person can be single or in a relationship; it doesn’t matter.

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#2 Select an Ethnic Restaurant

Organize a Valentine’s dinner at an ethnic restaurant.  Authentic ethnic restaurants tend to have the least amount of Valentine’s Day decorations because the holiday does not exist in many places.  Ask each person to bring a single friend.

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# 3 Be Open

Decide to talk to at least one new person a day between now and Valentine’s Day.   It can be as simple as making eye contact, smiling and saying “Hi, my name is Heidi”.  Don’t psyche yourself out!

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#4 Attend a Valentine’s Day event just for singles

 There are a lot of events for singles right now. The objective is to mingle: make sure to look for events with themes that interest you, so that you can increase your chances of meeting a like-minded date.

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#5 Love Yourself

You have two options – Go out or stay home. But being sad is out of the question. On the way home, stop by LeVadge Shop for a sex toy or two. Then, you should ready for a fabulous evening alone.

Read More About Self-Love

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Remember: You control the day, the day does not control you.

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About Marriage Material

A new dating site, Marriage Material, is not your typical dating venue.   Founder and President Dana Michel has created a place where only marriage-minded singles can go to find their true love. Plus this site doesn’t set limitations to sexual preference, race, religion, age or professional status; all people are welcomed for being matched.  The Marriage Material dating site has over 20,000 members on their site, and their services are available in selected areas. For more information, visit www.marriagematerial.co. To arrange an interview with Dana Michel, please contact danna@blinkpr.com.

ABOUT DANA MICHEL:

Dana Michel, an Ivy League educated, single native New Yorker intends to change the dating landscape by offering marriage-minded singles, both straight and gay, a place to connect with others seeking a serious relationship. Michel states that the site implements a modern approach by ‘crowdsourcing’ love in much the same way as Facebook or Yelp. Her aim is to establish an online relationship community that reflects her life experience where people interact on a daily basis.

Michel’s “aha” moment occurred a year and a half ago when a friend told her that after a mere four dates, the guy she was seeing wanted to know if he was marriage material. He took their relationship seriously, and he didn’t want to waste his time if she felt differently. Boldly stated, Michel comments, “Why waste time? Men are very straightforward about what they are looking for. It’s seen as a positive; as being masculine. But when women do the same thing, they come across as shrews.”   With over a decade of digital experience, Dana Michel has worked in the advertising industry on premium accounts such as Pepsi, Cover Girl, Pantene and Viacom. And to her credit, Ms. Michel has been featured in The Daily Mail, Entrepreneur and The NY Post among other outlets.

For more information please visit MarriageMaterial.co.

My Manetabolism Hair Review…

Hey Vadgesters! It may seem strange for me to be reviewing a hair product, but I truly like to promote elevated self-esteem. When you feel sexy, you look sexy and vice-versa, so working on self improvement is very important. I received a bottle of Manetabolism vitamins in exchange for my honest review – and here it is! My first three weeks so far have been interesting. Check out my new video for a full description.

What I experienced from using Manetabolism for three weeks:

• Stronger nails

• Faster growth in hair and nails

• Hair growth on my head

• Hair growth elsewhere…

• I have eyebrows now!

I didn’t mind the size of the pills, I have swallowed bigger with no problem. They went down smooth with a glass of water, and I continue to drink water throughout the day.

One thing I really like about Manetabolism is that the CEO uses her own products – and her hair is beautiful!

Next Up: The Ingredient List. What’s in it?

Have you tried Manetabolism before? Share your experience with me!

Hey Vadgesters! So I’m back with my second episode of my Valentine’s Day Gift Guide – and this one also has a giveaway! Treating your significant other to a few hours at the salon is a great way to get him/her feeling sexy and ready for Valentine’s Day or even the week. I’ve listed  my favorite salons below – feel free to chime in and suggest some in your area. You never know who’s looking for somewhere to get sexy!

[buzzsprout episode=’239155′ player=’true’]

Jael Roumain: Identity Divas Salon – Sunrise Florida

Jael is one of South Florida’s elite – and I am honored to have met and been styled by her at the start of her budding career. If you’re looking for top notch celebrity styling – this is the place to be.

Janique Allen: Jamrock’s Passion – Mobile Salon

Janique is a cosmetology pro – with the education and experience to boot. Not only does she make wigs, slay weaves, restore hair and color with the best – she is an up and coming loctician. I’ll let the work speak for itself.

Micsue Hair Design – Mount Vernon, NY

My go-to spot for blowouts on this natural head of mine. They service all hair textures, no matter how curly or straight. Authentic Dominican skills and nothing but quality products.

ManKind Grooming & Services – Fort Lauderdale, Fl 

I didn’t forget about the menssss – If you’re in Fort Lauderdale, this is a great place to send hubby for a few hours of relaxation. Mankind offers full spa services, as well as a barbershop and hair stylists. Can’t wait to send my husband here next month.

Sending your beau to get groomed may result in sexual advances, proposals or great Valentine’s Day evenings. I am not responsible for any children made as a result of fine tuning…

As a thank you for hanging out with me today, I’m opening another giveaway! Enjoy a Curlbox full of hair goodies on me. It features products from brands like Alikay Naturals, a full-sized Mizani Curl Balance Shampoo and Phyto Specific styling cream. I love sharing tips to maintain your sexy, and having healthy hair is one of them.

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Do you have a favorite local salon? Tell us where it is!

Thank you again for reading. Whether you’re single, dating or married – I hope your Valentine’s Day is filled with love and positive energy. If you have any questions, feel free to hit me up on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook.

Vadge Out!

Hey Vadgesters! I finally get the chance to make a Valentine’s Day Gift Guide – and this one is extra awesome because it’s a giveaway! Each guide is designed with everyone in mind; they will vary in price points and complexity as well. I hope you’ll try them out and let me know how it goes!

[buzzsprout episode=’237505′ player=’true’]

One of the best goodies I’ve received from a company so far. Put this on hubby’s side of the bed. He’s not in the #doghouse, but everyone needs this at least once lol. #marriedlife #coupons

A photo posted by Kimi LeVadge (@kimi_levadge) on Jan 1, 2015 at 9:33pm PST

Ulysses Press was awesome enough to give me two copies of “Redeem for One Mediocre Shoulder Rub;” a cute, hand-made style coupon book for long-term couples. Anyone who has been with the same person for a few years knows how things are after a while. You get into your routines, have little quirks and pet peeves. This coupon book is perfect for you.

I have been leaving coupons in places for my husband to find for the past week. It’s fun to wait and see when I’ll get a coupon. The “One Free Chore” coupon is gonna be so clutch as I prepare to get back into graduate school and launch new changes in LeVadge Shop.

So far, I have managed to get full TV remote control and I’m hoping to see a few others show up around the house for me. I really want to sit back and sip a cold lemonade while watching him cook in an apron, lol. I’ll update you all on this as it happens…

Enter to Win!

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No time for a giveaway? Order your copy at Barnes & Noble!

Body Count: How Many Men is too Many to Sleep with?

As women we are often taught that our sexuality is something we lose. You lose your virginity; you lose your innocence and your purity. A woman’s sexuality and sexual behavior is often a taboo topic, however, I am a firm believer that your sexuality is not something you lose, but something you gain by owning it. Owning that you are a sexual-being and recognizing as well as accepting that you deserve to enjoy sex; as much as any man or anyone else in the world.

Now, lets talk about this magical number. In the pursuit of finding love or becoming comfortable in your own sexuality there will be some casualties.

So, how many men are too many?

My answer to this question is another question; how many men is too many men in your opinion?! The number of men you sleep with and being comfortable with that number is all a part of the process of owning your sexuality. So, before we go further into this discussion, let me first tell you that your number is nobody’s business. That is a number you can keep all to yourself. Some may say if you are truly comfortable with your sexuality you should not mind sharing your body count; however, your body count is like your salary. It is no one’s business how much you make if they are not paying your bills. It is no one’s business how many men you sleep or have slept with unless you are having sex with them. Even then, it is on a need to know bases.

So, while I can say there is no limit for how many men you can sleep with; I think it is important to look at the time frame you are sleeping with people and the reasons behind you sleeping with them. If you are sleeping with ten different men within a few weeks, I recommend that you take a moment and ask yourself, “What am I looking for by sleeping with so many different men? Is my quest for sexual pleasure interfering with other areas of my life?” Lets get real. We all only have 24 hours in a day. So, there is a line between keeping your feet wet and addiction.

Now, lets talk about the reasons behind you sleeping with someone. Many people will try to say that women are too emotional and cannot separate sex from the emotional aspects of the encounter. Now, I do not believe this to be true for every woman. Some women are very emotional, but others are not. However, if you are one of those emotional women looking for the one and are sleeping with everyone you meet, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

“Good sex” and “good p*ssy” will not keep a man! Read that line again. If you are trying to keep a man by putting it down – sex alone will not keep him. I have asked around to various men and they all agree, no it will not keep them in a relationship. They may return to have sex with you, but it will not make them want to be in a relationship with you; nor will it keep them in a relationship with you. Loneliness is not a state of being with someone else, instead it is a state of mind. You can be lonely in the wrong relationship. So before you go to bed with someone new ask yourself, “Why am I doing this? What am I expecting to gain from this experience?” and is whatever you are expecting, something you can gain by yourself?

The reasons behind why you are having sex with a person, I think is very important. It is especially important for women, who have survived sexual abuse or violence in the past. If you have been sexually abused, sexually assaulted and/or sexually mistreated, as an adult or young child, your views of sex and your sexuality has been violated and distorted by another person. It is highly recommended that you talk to a professional about these experiences; so you can work on how those experiences impact your life. It is not your fault and you are a survivor.

Overall, it is important to keep in mind that with every sexual encounter you put yourself at risk for a sexually transmitted disease. In fact, every time you sleep with someone you are also sleeping with everybody they had sex with. So it is vital that you use condoms and good judgment.

Bio

E.B. Davis is a Licensed Social Worker and the founder of Cupid’s Planner. She provides relationship and intimacy coaching for the empowerment and sexual freedom of women. E.B. Davis wants to help every woman tap into their inner Goddess so they too can have Hassle Free Romance. Do you have a relationship question? Contact us at cupid@cupidsplanner.com. You can also connect with us on social media.

www.cupidsplanner.com

https://twitter.com/CupidsPlanner

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http://instagram.com/cupidsplanner