The Truth about Men and Sex as They Age
It is a strange but real truth about men that, from the peak period of sexuality until your genitals are laid to rest with your other organs at life’s end, they undergo no visual change. While your other organs degenerate—skin wrinkles, waistline expands, hair grays—your sexual organ undergoes virtually no change in size or appearance as you age.
What does change is how this body part behaves—erections are more difficult to achieve, ejaculation is less explosive, and more recovery time is needed between sexual encounters. These changes do not mean a man must stop enjoying sex; rather, understanding these changes can help a man maintain sexual longevity for a lifetime.
Older men first notice that it takes longer to get an erection. This begins to happen to men in their twenties, but so gradually that most men don’t notice until they approach middle age. Much depends on the kinds of relationships they have and the frequency of sexual activity. Once your testosterone levels diminish with age, fantasies are no longer enough; the mere sight of a sexy body or heated foreplay might not do it. Many older men can only get an erection from the vacuum effect of oral sex and the psychological aspects associated with that sexual act.
You might also notice that sometimes your erections as you age are only half-hard or semi-rigid until added stimulation hopefully brings them to full strength. This, too, is normal, but men often panic, recalling the days when they spent half their time concealing their erections.
The same is true of the refractory period. The amount of time it takes to recover after an ejaculation increases and the volume of the ejaculate decreases in proportion to a man’s age. When a man reaches his fifties and sixties, the refractory period might be as long as twenty-four hours, even with direct stimulation. At eighty, it might be one week.
Men also notice that the ejaculation itself feels less and less explosive as they age; the semen leaks out rather than being forcefully expelled. Orgasms might feel less intense. All this is a normal part of the aging process. The good news is that with age comes increased experience, wisdom, and seasoning, which should be a boon to your sex life.
As you age, not only do you naturally acquire greater ejaculatory control, but also you should have learned a great deal about pleasing a partner in general, and your partner in particular. You should have learned tricks for arousing and satisfying the person with whom you share your bed.
As you reach your sixties and seventies, you may have to adjust your style of lovemaking. You might have more control over when you ejaculate, but your arms might not be strong enough to support you for as long as they used to do. The muscles in your back and legs might tire quickly, and your joints and ligaments might not be as flexible. This may mean you have to rest or change positions more often. You might have to try different positions. And you’ll want to maintain a healthy lifestyle, making it a priority to have a healthy diet and a vigorous exercise regimen.
Another truth about men that should be viewed as a bonus: it takes longer to reach orgasm. If your partner is a woman, she may get more pleasure as a result of this change because bringing a woman to orgasm is usually easier with prolonged intercourse, and the more satisfied your partner is, the more aroused you will be.
As you age, your body may not be as flexible, your sex drive may diminish, and your erections may not be as firm, but you can use your wisdom and sexual insight to your advantage. You and your partner can enjoy the extra foreplay required to get you ready. Focus your attention on getting the absolute most out of the intercourse you can handle.
Do not be let down if your ejaculations are not as volcanic as they once were—you can still enjoy the pleasure of orgasm well into old age.
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Dudley Seth Danoff, MD, FACS, is president and founder of the Cedars-Sinai Tower Urology Group in Los Angeles, a Diplomate of the American Board of Urology, a Fellow of the American College of Surgeons, and the author of two books on men’s health.
Resources:
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