Little known fact: I speak fluent Spanish. That’s because I spent a large portion of my life growing up and learning with my Dominican family. I’ve been blessed to learn a lot about how Latina women interact with their partners, how they view intimacy and sex as a whole. While times change, some of those ideals are still reinforced through our grandmothers, mothers and peers. I had the honor of sitting down with Joe Bovino, author of “Why Latinas Get the Guy -” and we chatted about some of the popular questions surrounding his new book. Find out why Latinas Get the Guy, and how you can get them, too. “Miren… “

That’s Spanish for look, y’all… 

Why Latinas Get the Guy – Joe Bovino

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What are some major challenges of dating within the Latin community?

By far the biggest challenge is the language barrier. I still struggle with it myself, unfortunately, but I’m working on it.
Most Latinos in the United States prefer to speak Spanish because they can express themselves better that way to someone who understands the language. They’ll resort to English if they have to and do the best with the words they know, but they may not be able to explain what they want or feel as clearly as they’d like to, which can lead to stilted conversations, miscommunication and misunderstandings while dating and otherwise.
I once broke up with a Peruvian-American girl because I thought she was calling me a liar when all she was doing was saying the Spanish equivalent of “You’re kidding!” It wouldn’t have happened if either of us spoke the other’s native language fluently. Now I’m a lot more cautious about jumping to conclusions when I’m not sure about what’s being said and why.

Another major challenge for non-Latinos dating Latinos is understanding cultural tendencies and predispositions that are likely to affect how things go. Latinos share some common traits, but there are significant differences between Mexicans, Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, Colombians, Brazilians and other Latinos in the United States and abroad. Many Americans have no idea what they are or simply learn as they go. That can be risky.
Finally, American women may find it challenging to deal with the “machismo” of Latin [men] at times, especially if they’re used to dating weak American males. Most Latin guys in the USA don’t mind if American women assert themselves and do their own thing, but few take kindly to emasculation and won’t tolerate it. They also normally expect women to place a high priority on family, which may rub some American women the wrong way.
American men, on the other hand, may mistakenly try to fast-track intimacy, play dating games, act like a jerk, or do any number of things that tend to work on American women but often backfire with more traditional and proudly feminine Latinas.

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Is sex still taboo to talk about as it was years ago?

No. All you have to do is watch television, go to the movies or peruse the internet to know that sex-talk is commonplace these days. I hear there’s even a blog called “V for Vadge.”
But that doesn’t mean raunchy sex talk is wise for women while dating – at least before a meaningful relationship has been established. Men almost always lose respect for women who start talking about sex on dating websites, a first date or soon thereafter. They’ll still have sex with you and treat you like one of the boys, if that’s all you want, but they’re much less likely to see you as a woman who they might date seriously or marry.

Latinas know this and are generally much less likely to start talking about sex during a date or early on in a relationship. They want men to perceive them as feminine, ladylike, and smart enough not to talk explicitly about sex with a guy they don’t know very well. They also tend to make guys work and wait a lot longer for sex than fully assimilated American women. That way, they can more easily weed out the guys who are only looking for sex.

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Are there any key strategies to successful dating?

If you want to be successful, find someone who has achieved the results you want, copy what they do, and you’ll achieve the same results. That tip comes from Tony Robbins, and it applies in all aspects of life, including dating.

These days, too many American women are doing things that fail to attract, get and keep good men. Then, instead of reconsidering their strategy, they blame others – especially the men – delude themselves into thinking that it makes sense to keep acting the same way, and, worse yet, double down. Militant feminists and self-described “bitches” bash men for sport and giggles. Others try to look, sound, act, and sleep around like the very men they profess to hate in a counterproductive attempt to appear “strong.” And many younger American women think it’s cool to participate in a Tinder-fueled hook-up culture where shameless promiscuity trumps decency, self-respect and common sense. Guys are playing along and enjoy the easy access to sex, but they lose respect for those girls too.
Is any of that leading to more “successful dating” by modern American women? No, unless you define success as more casual sex and less lasting, long-term committed relationships.

Moreover, and increasingly large number of American men aren’t just taking their balls and going home. They’re rationally choosing to pursue other, more appealing alternatives in a global dating market with non-American women, hyphenated American women (e.g., Latinas, Asian-Americans) or narrowing their search to sweeter, more confidently feminine American women in the South, Midwest and elsewhere.

Fortunately, American women don’t have to give up their independence, careers, opinions, dignity or anything else to get back in the game and date more successfully and land the best guys. They don’t need to tolerate bad behavior by players and jerks either. They just need to wise up, watch the women who are dating successfully these days, and copy what’s working for them. That will require many American women to take a hard, uncomfortable look in the mirror and make some changes – including trying harder to look, sound and act like a lady he can’t live without – but it shouldn’t be too hard. In fact, it should be natural.

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What words of advice would you give a young lady in the dating world?

1. Watch women who are successful in attracting, getting and keeping great guys. Then copy what they do that works. Success leaves clues.

2. Ignore anyone who tells you that men love bitches, bitchiness is attractive, or femininity equals weakness. Those are lies.

3. Get out of the house and don’t spent countless hours chatting on dating websites. 80% of life is just showing up. So, get out there. Show up for those first dates. Keep it casual and see how it goes. Eventually, a good one will come along.

4. Make an effort to look like a lady, not a boy.

5. Talk like a lady, not a sailor, while dating. Men will respect you for it.

6. Treat men respectfully but don’t hesitate to assert yourself when men don’t treat you with love and respect in return. Respect works both ways.

7. Make guys wait at least a month for sex. Exceptions should be rare. Find out who he really is before you get intimate with him.

8. If a guy isn’t treating you like a princess and making you feel good about your relationship, he’s just not that into you. If he was, you wouldn’t find yourself making excuses for him or managing so many negative emotions. Politely let him go.

9. If you’re dating the same type of guy over and over with no success, make a change. Mix it up, and consider dating guys from different ethnic or racial backgrounds as well, especially if you’re not having much success with your own.

10. Read my new, national #1 bestselling book, Why Latinas Get the Guy: A No-BS Guide to Understanding the Allure of Latin-American Women and Spicing Up Your Love Life.

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What words of advice would you give a young man in the dating world?

1. Take chances out there, act boldly if necessary, and never lose your sense of humor, even when you don’t get the girl. It’s a date, not a bombing mission over ‘Nam.

2. Nothing is more important than confidence. Take steps to maintain and build it, even when things don’t go your way.

3. Don’t just be yourself. Be your best self.

4. Be honest about who you are or what you think, but don’t volunteer private details about your life to everyone who comes along. A little mystery goes a long way.

5. Skin up.

6. Learn to sing, play an instrument, dance, and speak at least one foreign language.

7. Date women who deserve and have earned your respect. You can be friendly with the rest, but there’s no point in pursuing anything more serious with them.

8. Date non-American women and American women from different parts of the country, especially the South and Midwest. Compare, contrast, and see who fits best.

9. Watch Don Draper’s Guide to Picking Up Women.

10. Read my first book, Field Guide to Chicks of the United States, and take notes.

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I thoroughly enjoyed this interview, and while I think some of his statements can be a bit controversial, Joe made great points. In a society where sex seems to be our primary selling point, it is important for us women of all cultures and ethnicities to know our worth and value ourselves. Put your best assets forward – and they don’t have to be in your pants.

What do you think about the interview? Do you agree with these statements?