Hi Vadgesters! Initially this post was scheduled to be a podcast, but I have lost my voice and I sound terrible!

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We all want to bounce back immediately after giving birth, but as we discover – there are newfound levels to recovery post-partum. The challenges that you faced and are currently facing aren’t yours alone – and today we’ll discuss some of the common concerns and misconceptions about sex after childbirth…

1. Your Sex Drive Will Immediately Return

We all know this is false, and there are many reasons for the lack of libido after having a baby. Most of your disinterest can be attributed to the hormones (especially estrogen) going back to normal after carrying a life form in you for so many months. You need these hormones to get wet, to feel aroused and to stimulate that tingle in your vagina. Without it – there’s pretty much no point in trying.

•  Suggestion: Go on dates.
  • It takes time to ease back into sex, and part of that starts with increasing the level of intimacy between you and your partner. When you  feel comfortable enough to go out without the little one, try scheduling a date night. Go out for a bite to eat, maybe catch a movie or hit up a local poetry lounge. Holding hands, gentle touching and kissing can increase levels of serotonin in the body. Serotonin is linked to mood, sexual desire and function, appetite, sleep, memory and learning, temperature regulation, and some social behavior. Research also shows that it plays a major role in breast milk production, which explains that wave of emotions some mothers feel during milk letdown. Oxytocin also has similar effects, and both are needed to get us feeling back to normal.

2. Your body will look perfect

This is an extremely impractical expectation, but it’s understood due to the bounce back photos in the news and on social media. Seeing a mom in a bikini three days after giving birth can be an ego bruiser for even the most confident of women. It is extremely important to remember that everyone’s body and metabolisms are different.  If you were slim before, chances are you will slim down quicker than someone who was not. There are other factors that play a role in your recovery and how you look after giving birth. Peep some scenarios:

• “Mommy Tuck”:

  • This is when a mom schedules liposuction or a tummy tuck to be performed immediately after giving birth. It allows the mom to experience both recoveries at the same time, and  have the body she wants. This is often a procedure done when a mommy suffers from diastasisrecti, which is the separation of abdominal muscles.Diastisrecti can cause women to still look pregnant months after giving birth. Mommy Tucks are costly and not always practical or safe.
    • Suggestion: Check out mommy fitness coaches – like Anowa Adjah. She is my fitness icon right now, because she gave birth to twins (via c-section) almost two years ago and looks like this. She also suffered diastasis recti injuries – can you imagine? It is not an easy process, but her story shows that it is possible to get the healthy body you want – without reconstructive surgery.

    • 

• Binding

  • I always wondered how my grandmother had 13 children and was able to function after giving birth to each of them. The age-old practice of binding (known now as compression or waist training) allows moms to hold their organs in place as they shift back to normal, while constricting the stomach and decreasing appetite. Waist training is very effective, but also has its drawbacks. See my review of post-partum waist training here, and be sure to consult with your physician before trying to do so.

• Breast Feeding

  • It’s not a rumor that breast feeding can help you snap your body back. Studies show that breastfeeding can burn 300-500 calories per day, which can be the kickstart you need to get back in those pre-baby jeans. You don’t store as many calories while nursing, because they are being passed off to your baby, and this works effectively for busy moms who don’t have time to pack on more calories in food. If you can maintain a healthy eating regimen, you can watch the pounds melt away.

• Plain ol’ Exercise

  • Nothing beats it. If you can incorporate even 30 minutes of walking into your day, you will see faster weight loss and an improvement in your overall mood.  This is due to the increase in feel-good hormones pumping through the body. Exercise gets the blood flowing to your organs, and that includes your vagina.  Blood flow down there increases sensation – and we need that.

Note: Remember that a lot goes into creating a life. Give yourself the same amount of time it took to be pregnant to even start feeling normal. How you feel is far more important than how you look; if you’re not happy – the rest is irrelevant.

There are other biological changes that come with having a baby. Treating your individual issues early can help speed up recovery and get that good tingle back. Some very common post-partum changes include:

• Vaginal Dryness (click here for a quick remedy)
• Perineal Tears & Stitches
• Hemorrhoids
• Changes in Skin Tone
• C-Section Scarring

These issues happen to most women, but we don’t always see the struggles that other moms are facing. Some of these problems are the reason why it is difficult to engage in sexual activity. Consulting with your OB/GYN can assist you in finding medicinal or holistic solutions to the medical issues that can hold us back from enjoying ourselves.

Sometimes, it’s not the medical things that make it hard to get our sexy time in. The night time feedings, baby crying and overall exhaustion can drain both parents to the point where rolling over seems like too much work. Your body has no time to recover, because it is always on the move, which forces your sexual activity to suffer. You may have all the intentions in the world to give your man the ride of his life, but once you’ve finally gotten the baby down for bed – a pin could drop and wake him/her up. So – how do you remedy this?

Get a babysitter.

Call your mom. Text your best friend. Someone you trust who has experience with babies and doesn’t mind taking care of the little one for a few hours. If you’re blessed to have overnight privileges – cash in that card NOW. Even if you don’t leave the house, those hours of silence are golden and may be exactly what you need to refresh, re-boost and reset. Maybe next time, you’ll actually have sex – instead of sleep!

What post-partum problems are you facing in the bedroom? Share with me and I’ll help you find a solution.

Email vforvadge@gmail.com, follow me on Instagram or like me on Facebook for more tips and tricks.

References:

http://www.parents.com/parenting/relationships/sex-and-marriage-after-baby/decreased-sex-drive-after-baby/

http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/serotonin

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/weight-loss/breastfeeding-burns-calories

What is Serotonin and How Does It Affect the Body?