Domestic Violence: Why I’m Tired of the Ray Rice Story…
It’s been plastered all over the news, on WorldStar, and Facebook. Don’t forget Instagram, too. However, that’s not the reason I am tired of seeing the video footage of Ray Rice punching his wife Janay in an Atlantic City elevator (No, I will not show the clip). It’s happening all over the world to people of all races, colors, orientations and nationalities. As a journalist and therapist in training, it is evident that there are always three sides to the story; his side, her side – and the truth.
Like most of my peers from Mount Vernon, NY – I grew up with both Ray and Janay. Our rival towns (Mount Vernon and New Rochelle) competed against each other in nearly every sport – and my friends and I would frequent the games to show our support. We’ve fought our way through rivalry madness together and danced with each other at NYC clubs. He’s no stranger to me, and neither is his beautiful wife. It’s the reason why this story made my heart sink the moment I saw him pulling her out of that elevator. I’d heard about what happened before it even went public.
As the media typically does, it has begun the ratings race to vilify Ray and make him a social outcast. Not only has he lost his NFL contract, he has been ostracized and called an “abuser,” which none of us truly know for sure. I would use the word “aggressor” in this instance, as there has been no prior history of abuse between the two of them. Not saying that it hasn’t happened before – we just haven’t heard about it. Due to that fact, it is sad to see him made out to be a wife beater – whether he is or is not stands to be seen. I wish the world would be objective in their stance and take a moment to consider the aggressor’s issues as well, which may cause some of my readers to raise an eyebrow or even get angry. Only once have I heard someone publicly show “support” for Ray Rice as an individual. His teammate, Justin Forsett stated in an interview that he “would not abandon him” in his time of need. As we circle around Janay in love and support, let us please remember that somewhere out there exists a man in dire need of help, therapy and recovery.
Fact: Domestic Violence accounts for 48% of all arrests in the NFL.
I think physical abuse towards anyone is absolutely disgusting, please understand that. I’ve watched some of my loved ones get hit by their parents, spouses, boyfriends. Hell, I’ve experienced it myself! It saddens me to think that anyone would continue to subject themselves to such abuse, but I know the hardships that many face when trying to leave an abusive relationship. Please keep in mind, readers, that this event happened in February of 2014. It is now September – and the media is just starting to pay attention. Who knows what Ray and Janay have been doing behind closed doors. How do we know that they are not seeking therapy together? Just as a drug addict needs rehabilitation, so does an aggressor – even more so, an abuser. How does a person get better if they don’t receive help? Many abusers continue a life of anger and violence because no one took the time to listen. No one chose to look at that person and say, “Ray, seriously – you need help man. Let’s go get you some therapy.” The bottom line is, society will not take abuse seriously until WE take abuse seriously. We are society! These are our mothers, brothers, cousins and best friends out here hurting, and the best we can do is tweet how disgusted we are or re-play the video clip on YouTube? Come on, everyone – we’ve got to do better. If you know someone you care about is suffering from or engaging in abuse – encourage them to get help. Don’t turn a blind eye. We cannot make bad guys out of abusers if we allow them to continue the abuse. In that sense, we are guilty by association.
One major problem I am seeing with society today is that things are so dispensable, so disposable. If a watch stops working, we throw it away – albeit how expensive or cheap it may be. For, it is far easier to buy a new one than to seek the repair of a watch maker. People are no longer taking the time to repair relationships; it’s “no new friends,” and “fuck love,” and all of the other modern-day phrases. Do I think they need time apart? Yes. Do I know if they’ve spent any time apart? No. What I know is that men and women deserve to be treated as such, and not put down or thrown into isolation like unwanted animals.
So, what happens when the human being you know is turned into a monster? When the same people holding pennants and chanting at the football games are now holding torches and screaming insults at your gate? How are you expected to assimilate back into regular life? Just a question.
How quickly we are forgotten in our darkest hour…
I absolutely feel that anyone in a situation of physical or mental abuse should seek help. Whether it be a shoulder to cry on or assistance with an escape plan – SEEK HELP. Don’t wait until it gets out of control to leave, whether you are the abused or the abuser. Below, I have included resources to national assistance, and I hope that you are encouraged to utilize them. They are free to you – and may be the difference between time in therapy, or time in jail. Abuse is a one way street, is 100% preventable, and we must stress to the abuser (including Ray Rice) that he/she needs help even more than the abused.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women
TEAR – Teans Experiencing Abusive Relationships
Do you think this issue was handled properly? I’d love to hear your thoughts…