It’s an age old taboo that no one seems to want to discuss. Many religions have strict rules about it; making it an event that takes much thought and planning. Women fear it, men look forward to it. Some never get to it, because Baby steals the show. Sex after pregnancy is definitely not your usual conversation starter, but it sure does strike up a good discussion.

There are two different types of women after pregnancy; women in vaginal pain and women in abdominal pain. Both of these women have special circumstances that make sex virtually impossible immediately after giving birth. Initially, sex is probably the last thing on a woman’s mind unless she’s concerned about pleasing her partner. While it is normal to worry about the happiness of one’s significant other – the woman must remember that the body needs time to heal.

How long does it take to heal? 

“Whether you give birth vaginally or by C-section, your body will need time to heal. Many health care providers recommend waiting four to six weeks before having sex. This allows time for the cervix to close, postpartum bleeding to stop, and any tears or repaired lacerations to heal. (Mayo, 2013)” Aside from the time given by the doctor, the second most important time is your own. Some women feel ready in a matter of weeks, while others aren’t comfortable for a few months. Remember that your cervix needs time to close, uterus to contract and any tears, lacerations or stitches to heal. Having sex before you’re ready can lead to extreme pain, injury and possible infection.

Keep in mind that every woman’s body is different, and some may recover sooner or later than the standard recommended span of time.

Will it hurt?

Hormonal changes might leave your vagina dry and tender, especially if you’re breast-feeding.

To help ease any discomfort during sex, take it slow. Start with cuddling, kissing or massage. Gradually build the intensity of stimulation. If vaginal dryness is a problem, use a lubricating cream or gel. Try different positions to take pressure off any sore areas and control penetration. Tell your partner what feels good — and what doesn’t.

It’s also important to focus on the moment. Keep your mind on yourself and your partner — not the diapers, laundry and other household chores.

If sex continues to be painful, consult your health care provider about possible treatment options.

Will it feel different?

“After a vaginal delivery, decreased muscle tone in the vagina might reduce pleasurable friction during sex — which can influence arousal. This is usually temporary.

To tone your pelvic floor muscles, try Kegel exercises. Simply tighten your pelvic muscles as if you’re stopping your stream of urine. Try it for five seconds at a time, four or five times in a row. Work up to keeping the muscles contracted for 10 seconds at a time, relaxing for 10 seconds between contractions. Once you’ve got the hang of it, do at least three sets of 10 Kegel exercises a day.”

Once you are fully healed, consider using Kegel Balls to further strengthen the pelvic floor and help make sex more pleasurable. These devices use resistance to regularly exercise the vagina, creating a tighter more elastic environment. Read more about them here.

Overheard in Girl Talk:

• “I had a c-section – so my first time wasn’t til last week. Not the whole 8 weeks but my suture is closed up so I said fck it. Missionary like a virgin lol”
• “I had a C section as well”
• “I’ve had women say their partners wouldn’t wait at all. Compromising my health for his pleasure wouldn’t be priority.”
• “Only thing I was scared of was getting pregnant again.”
• “Me too. Condoms for the next month or so til I’m confident this birth control is working”
• “I waited 3 or 4 weeks before i mounted on Hubby* again lol He was fine with waiting. I was the one going crazy without it lol.”
• “Me too!! He was worried he’d bust my incision open and we’d look like fools in the ER, lol”

Resources: 

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sex-after-pregnancy/PR00146

Kegel Balls: What Are They and How To Use Them (Video)