The hot weather is finally here – it’s time to get sexy! If that wasn’t enough reason Why You Should Get Over Your Ex, I proudly compiled a quick list for you. Once you’re equipped with the reasons why, you’ll need to know how – right? Take a second to get into Six Ways to Get Over Your Ex – it may just save your summer…

6. Write an Open Letter

Got a blog? Write an open letter to your ex. Post it. You don’t have to share it on your social media sites or promote it at all, but the possibility that your ex will read the post is pretty high. Trust me. Don’t have a blog? Write the letter by hand. If you’re feeling brave, mail it to him/her. Not so much? Put it in a glass bottle and send it up a river or into the beach. Write it on a balloon. Put your thoughts in the air; let that person know how you feel. It makes for awesome closure, and may possibly be all that you needed to start moving on. I’ve done it before, and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself. Whether he understood or not was not my problem, I got an opportunity to vent directly to the source of my unhappiness. Try it – I guarantee it, or your money back.

Yeah, I know – it’s free.

5. Hang With Other Single People

They say misery loves company, but I think positive vibes from other single people really lifts the spirits after a breakup. You get to realize that there’s life after your ex. Do you think that the first person a married man or woman met ended up as their spouse?

6. Then, Hang Out With Couples

No, not the ones that have been together for a month. Look at your friends who have been in relationships for years. Happily. Don’t be afraid to spend time with them and find out what strategies  have been working to keep their love successful. Learning about compromise prepares us for the next relationship – there’s nothing wrong with taking notes.

4. Do Stuff Alone

Sounds weird, but it’s actually quite relaxing. How will your next love know what you like, what you enjoy, what your favorite things are – if you don’t even know? Finding yourself is crucial to having a successful long term relationship. When you’re with someone, sometimes you grow into their habits and interests because it seems like the thing t o do. Part of the reason we feel so devastated when we break up with someone, is because we don’t know what to do without them. Pinpointing your personal interests eliminates this problem. Try going to the local library, a museum exhibit, dinner, shopping (responsibly). Prepping for your throne means you have to appreciate time alone.

3. Then, Do Stuff With Your Friends

Tell your friends how you’re feeling – chances are they’ll be ready to take you out and cheer you up. Even if it’s just a girls’ night in with popcorn and movies – laughter is definitely good for the soul. If you’ve got a few dollars for drinks and snacks – think about hostessing a Passion Party. What’s better than a night of fun with your friends, and a new BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend) to keep you occupied during your single phase? Passion Parties are free, and you’ll learn things you never thought you needed to know about sex and romance.

2. Take Lessons

Distraction is a great remedy for breakup blues, why not spend some time learning something new? Take local cooking classes, art lessons, maybe even Pole Dancing. When it’s time for you to find that new person, you’ll be even more interesting thanks to your newfound hobby.

1. Date! 

Dating doesn’t always equal commitment. Nor does it always equal sex. Consider speed dating, where you are able to meet multiple personalities of single individuals in one night – with no strings attached. Speed dating events are usually in a mellow setting, with light drinks and music. Take a friend with you, loosen up and have a good time! You never know who you may find.

I don’t have all the answers, but I know what worked for me after my breakups.  Now, as a married woman, I realize in retrospect what was and what should have been important factors in my dating life. Hopefully these six ways help you truly get over your ex.

I made the mistakes so you don’t have to.

If you have any other questions, feel free to hit me up: vforvadge@gmail.com, Instagram: @Kimi_LeVadge, Twitter: @KimiLeVadge

What dating advice would you give a friend? 

Resources: 

Sweat and Stilettos Fitness for Women

http://frugalbeautiful.com/blog/frugal-feature-5-activities-girls-night/

https://www.siouxempirefcu.org/services/pricing/

Let’s face it, breakups are tough. They don’t always end as we plan and sometimes we never wanted the ending at all. If you’ve been in a relationship before, you know how difficult it can be to move forward. Today, I bring you 6 Reasons Why You Should Get Over Your Ex

(These tips apply to all genders and orientations, by the way).

6. It’s a Bad Look…

Whether you’re ready to date again or not, moping around because of your ex looks terrible on you. Not only is it bad for your mood, but it messes with your overall appearance. According to Dorland’s Illustrated Medical Dictionary, “The face lacks expression when a person becomes sad. She smiles less and the twinkle in her eye disappears. In the severely depressed, the voice becomes monotone, void of intonation and expression. She adopts a stooped posture and a slow gait with no buoyancy or enthusiasm. She may neglect her personal hygiene and appear disheveled. A blank gaze takes the place of eye contact with another.” Maybe you won’t go as far as not bathing, but try ditching the long face. When Mr. Right bumps into you at the supermarket – you want to be ready. Greet him with a smile!

5. Your Friends are Tired of Hearing about Him.

Yes, we are your shoulders to cry on, but with time your head gets heavy! Let’s change the topic a bit and check out that cutie at the movies instead.

4. You’re Losing/Gaining Weight.

One of the most common effects of sadness is increase/decrease in appetite which results in weight gain or loss. While a little fluctuation is normal, too much in either direction can be unhealthy. Psychiatrist Sheri Van Dijk states that it’s not uncommon to feel less energetic when you’re sad. “It’s also common to feel tired or run-down, experience a decrease in your energy level, feel lethargic, or want to stay in bed all day.” The desire to do less and stay home can definitely have a bad effect on your body and overall health.

3. You’re F*@ing Up!

The distraction of a break up can seriously impair your mental clarity and ability to focus. If you wonder why your work days feel more difficult – it may be stemming from your thoughts.

2. He’s Over It

Chances are, while you’re home sulking in sweatpants on a Friday night, he’s out having fun with his friends (don’t go troll his Instagram to check). Even if he’s mentally stressing, most guys don’t show it on the outside. If your ex can get up and get out – you can too.

1.    You’re Too Dope (Awesome) to be Crying!

Recognize that you are one of a kind, and whatever caused the breakup is not likely to happen again (unless you allow it). The special traits that your ex found intriguing will be even more captivating to the next person. There are approximately 7,241,037,067 people on this earth, you WILL find someone new. It’s not a question of if, it’s more like when. Now is your chance to get yourself together and prepare to be an awesome girlfriend.

Let’s talk about 6 Ways to Get Over Him next…

Resources:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/187389-what-are-the-physical-side-effects-of-sadness/

http://www.sharecare.com/health/human-emotions/what-physical-effects-sadness

Note: I opted to leave images out of this post. Why, you ask? The images of adorable little girls sitting in their own blood made me cry. I can’t imagine my infant daughter experiencing such pain. Hopefully I have described FGC enough with my words. Awareness is crucial…

The practice of genital cutting has been an age-old ritual that allegedly serves multiple purposes. The act itself is done by cutting, slicing or removing the clitoris and/or labia in an attempt to prepare the young girl for marriage. A woman is often seen as not being “pure” if she is uncut when seeking or being arranged with a partner. It is found primarily in African and Asian countries (but is also practiced in other nations), and often performed by relatives of the victim. Nicknamed “Vacation Cutting,” victims often find themselves swept away unexpectedly during visits to their home country for the procedure to be done. I felt compelled to discuss this ritual as a way to shed light on the “back home” traditions that haunt first generation Americans to this day.

Research shows that these girls are usually faced with seriously unsanitary conditions; razor blades dipped in alcohol, broken glass; crude cutting devices ensure that the deed is done no matter what. The unsuspecting individual like you and I would think that such things don’t happen in 2014 – but we are sadly mistaken. The United States banned genital cutting in 1996, and transport for that purpose became illegal in 2013. It is considered a sacred rite of passage, supposedly to purify and ensure chastity until the woman is married of. Conversely, sexual satisfaction is often replaced with pain, discomfort and body issues. Considering the thousands of nerve endings in the clitoris alone, it is no surprise that many women are left mentally, physically and emotionally scarred after cutting.

So, let’s talk details. Generally speaking, you may know someone who has been a victim of genital cutting. About 228,000 women have suffered or are at risk for FGM (Female Genital Mutilation).
– Who is Affected?
o Girls between the ages of 4 and 14 to “ensure” virginity until marriage.
– Is It Harmful?
o Yes. There are no health benefits to genital cutting. In fact, the act alone puts the victims at risk for a multitude of health problems. Short term, she may experience pain, shock, bleeding, bacterial infections and tissue injury. On the long term, she is at risk for bladder infections, Urinary Tract Infections, cysts, infertility, complications during intercourse and childbirth.

Some things you should know:

FGM is a crime. It is illegal in 21 US states, but to date, sentencing in many of those states is weak to say the least. In my home state of New York, an individual convicted of performing genital cutting may face a maximum of four years in prison. Conversely, in my current state of Florida – an offender can get up to 30 years in prison as well as a hefty fine. I can only hope that the other states follow suit and step up their laws against Female Genital Cutting. More than 8,000 girls undergo FGC/FGM every day in Africa and Asia – that’s an estimated 3 million girls per year! America should be where these girls feel safe.

Imagine that. Putting your daughter at risk for death or permanent injury for the sake of being “pure.” It’s a difficult issue to process, as many of these parents are performing the act out of sheer ignorance and tradition. How can I prepare for marriage when I’m unsure if my husband will find my vagina attractive? Not all women born into a specific culture marry into it – these parents are robbing their daughters of confidence and their right to choose. My goal is to break the mold through advocacy, education and open discussion. I hope everyone will share this article and get their family and friends to rally against genital cutting.

If you know someone at risk for genital cutting, please encourage them to get help from a physician. If you need help finding the local laws in your area, feel free to contact me using the information below. You can always email me at vforvadge@gmail.com.

I love you all.

Resources:

http://abcnews.go.com/WN/WorldNews/female-genital-cutting-affecting-young-girls-america/story?id=10859231

http://theahafoundation.org/issues/female-genital-mutilation/

From the Writer’s Desk: Initially, I was targeting the teens with this post – but I realize that many adults need to read this too. I have heard so many different theories on condom use – it’s time to clarify a few things for everyone. 

1. “I use them for the first round, but not the rest…” Condoms are necessary throughout the entire sexual encounter. Especially if you and the other person are not in a committed relationship, this is crucial. Many diseases such as chlamydia and HPV (Genital Warts) are not always visible to the naked eye. Unless you are examining this person with a microscope, you are putting yourself at risk for disease.

2. “It doesn’t feel as good” In this day and age, there are so many condoms to choose from – there’s never a reason to not have one on hand. In fact, it’s quite fun to explore the various options available. Ribbed, Extra Sensitive, Vibrating Ring, Her Pleasure, Pleasure Dots; why not pick up a box and try a new kind out every month? Every week? Fine, every day if you must!

Kimi’s Tip: If you’re worried about the condom losing it’s moisture – have a bottle of lube handy. I recommend Astroglide or H2O. Keeping lubrication nearby will keep the mood going and allow extended use of the condom. Never re-use a condom once sperm is inside of it. 

3. “He will think I’m cheating if I ask to use one” If this is even a topic of discussion between you and your mate, you may be in the wrong relationship. Not only do condoms protect from disease, but they shield a woman from pregnancy – which never has to happen by accident. Better safe than sorry, right? Kimi’s Tip: Check out condoms with a vibrating ring attached, it will spice up the night and he’ll be so busy enjoying it he won’t complain.

4. “I’m clean, so I don’t need them” You got tested and the doctor said you’re fine, right? Did your partner get tested with you? Why not? Unless both partners have been tested, there is no guarantee that either of you don’t have an STD/STI. Most OB/GYNs will allow partners to get tested together, as well as discuss options for protection. Men are less able to hide disease and infection, because the penis is an external organ. Women may carry diseases and go for years without knowing, because the vagina is not just one unit. Getting tested annually (or every six months) is the only way to guarantee that you are free of disease. If you are treated for a disease and your partner is not – there is a great chance that you will be re-infected without contraception. Condoms are your best bet to avoid this, as well as taking your partner to the doctor with you. Find a Health Center Near You

5. It ruins the mood There’s more than one way to do everything, putting on a condom is no different. Try putting it on for him, without the use of your hands. Get creative, and it will enhance the mood! Kimi’s Tip: Try a female condom – you can insert it hours before sex, and he won’t be required to wear one. 6. “I’m Allergic to Latex” Quite a few natural, latex-free options are now available for your enjoyment. You can get all the sex, and none of the itchy allergic reaction. Kimi’s Tip: Try Sir Richard’s Condoms – proceeds from condom purchases go to providing contraceptives in underdeveloped and needy countries. Their product is all natural and sold at health food stores nationwide and in the UK. See reviews from regular people for Sir Richard’s Here.    Sources: H2O Lubrication: http://www.cheaplubes.com/system-jo-h2o-25oz.aspx Astroglide: http://www.astroglide.com/home.aspx Vibrating Ring: http://www.trojanvibrations.com/vibrators/intimate-vibrating-ring Female Condom: http://www.undercovercondoms.com/Condoms/Reality/3976/Female-Condom.html?kw=Female+Condoms+Exact+AGroup&gclid=CJrl9oOJw7ICFQQGnQodpGIAoA&utm_source=7&utm_medium=ppc&utm_term=Female%20Condoms%20Exact%20AGroup&utm_campaign=7

There are days when I wake up and wonder  “what the hell just happened to me?” I swear I woke up in the middle of the night with a nice flat tummy and all of a sudden … POW … I’ve got a tummy with no navel!  I guess they say that this is the growing process and there is pretty much nothing you can do.

At this time, thankfully, I’ve discovered a great friend who has found beauty in my growth spurts. I am also beginning to find beauty in it as well. Besides the crazy itching I am actually turning around a little and becoming happy about this baby. I am thinking about names and how he or she will look, and I am also hoping that this baby is not a cry baby. My first baby cried a lot and I have heard that the second one is most of the time different. I often wonder how true that is.

I have also been talking to my mother about this baby. She worries about me because she claims that this child has made me a bit more sensitive and open to hurt.  At this point in my life, maybe mother knows best. We aren’t close, but I guess me being pregnant is her way to come in. I WON’T REJECT IT! (GUESS I AM WAAAY TOO SENSITIVE LOL).

Now as the itching goes … I am surely working on it. I’ve tried many different lotions. My next step at this point is to try almond oil and shea butter. Hope they work!

In the end I am still working on feeling totally beautiful in my new (but temp) body.

Love J. Mar

As we all know, I’m available on various social media platforms; Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr. I have re-discovered Ask.fm and the questions I’m being asked are hilarious! I just wanted to share a few with you guys. Feel free to send your awkward questions to vforvadge@gmail.com. I’ll post more as they come in – Enjoy the laugh!

A titillating reader – submitted tale of “world” domination…

I have always been one for sexual adventure. I say, as the Gemini I am, try everything at least once. Keeping that motto in mind, know that this experience was one that was truly unexpected.

I was told by a friend that a guy she knew was interest in me. Not the interested as in he wanted to date, he was interested in my sexual abilities. He heard from my friend how dominating I was and he liked the fact that I was Black. I knew he wanted me to push him around a bit and also that he had a fetish for women and strap on dildos but his fetish ran way deeper than just that.

When I got to his house, he already had a 10 in long 3 or 4 in. thick in his possession. So, I did exactly what I went there for. He bent over and I ruled him. Now, the surprise didn’t come until he started with the dirty talk that included talking about how “big” I was, how upset his parents would be if they knew he liked being dominated by a Black woman as well as other comments of the like. He later revealed that he also wanted to redo the experience, but in lace.

It was a true experience indeed.