Newly Single | Diary of an Ex-Fiance

Newly single and loving every minute. As a man that is coming out of a 7 year relationship there tons of amazing thoughts roaming free. I finally have the ability to do, think, and say what ever it is I want. Finally I can go home to an empty home, see no one I love, and imagine how much joy it brought speaking to those no longer there. More over I get to be scared and confused about these feelings I don’t understand without the comfort of the person I was most vulnerable with. Better yet I can only hear ghosts of playful laughter and view tokens left by my seeds. Those I helped create, raise, and develop will forever weigh on my heart as I wain from their memories. Best yet I can feel like a failure thanks to the destruction of my relationship only 8 months before our wedding date and forever losing the ability to be a father to MY children.

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So yeah, I’m only here for the bitches and the drinks. All we do is fuck, drink, and sleep. Most men can’t handle failure in relationships. We act out and usually search and accept comfort from any woman willing to share it. We yearn for that intimacy only found from that woman we loved so much.  So women and sex are things we’ll gravitate towards because it is the closest thing to what we’ve lost. I find myself being more attracted to women with children or those who want children probably in hopes they can fill this gaping hole. The physical pain associated with this heartache is real and at times brings me to my knees but a woman under my arms or sliding on and off my penis would do a great deal to help diminish or subdue this hurt.

Dog or pig I am not. What I am is a product of a broken home and a false belief that boys shouldn’t or can’t express how they feel. I don’t know what to do with how I feel. I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know how to show how I feel. I know that the embrace of a woman comforts me. I know that sex feels good. I know that together they should make me feel better.

Kareem Wright.