It's Okay to Say No to Sex... - V for Vadge


Sex Education for the Real World…


It’s Okay to Say No to Sex…

Posted September 28, 2012 by Kimani in Love. Life. Erotica.

From the Writer’s Desk: 

While all of our Awkward Question and Information articles will contain facts, sometimes we have to step into a world of opinion. I’m not perfect, but I can speak about a lot of events from experience. Today, I will do that – and I ask that you take these things into consideration when reading. We want to enlighten and empower everyone here at VForVadge. Always remember that…

Growing up in the 90’s and 2000’s was the era of sexuality; it seemed like every teen I knew was having sex. We called it “jaying” back then, but it was also referred to by some raunchier names. Anyway, it wasn’t uncommon to be 12 and 13 having sex back then – for the kids in the hood it was like a rite of passage. All the girls with the grown up bodies seemed to be doing it and becoming popular – why not do it, too?

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Now, I wasn’t the most popular girl in school – I was the quirky girl who hung out with one of the most popular girls. You could call me a nerd, but I’d call myself a bookworm. I started getting breasts at 9 years old – as well as my period, and by 12 I was a 32C cup bra and medium panty.  Soccer had conditioned my body into that of a young Serena Williams; I had developed a grown woman’s body. I wasn’t the least bit interested in sexual intercourse, though. I had discovered masturbation by the age of 11 (sneak reading erotic books in my mom’s room), and was quite satisfied with that. It wasn’t until I found myself having a “boyfriend” that sex even became a topic for me.

I was 12, he was about 15 – we dated for about eight months before he started asking to have sex. I wasn’t interested; I’d tell him no all the time and he’d continue his life without complaining too much. One day, we were alone and he took the opportunity to try and force me to have sex with him. Even my best friend at the time was pressuring me to do it. I resisted; tightening all my muscles out of fear, and he forced himself inside of me anyway.

There was blood everywhere. On the bed, on his clothes – on me. It was a steady stream that just wouldn’t stop. I ran into the bathroom to hide, blood following me to the toilet. Days later I was still bleeding. Just imagine three and a half weeks of continuous menstruation. Soaking through layers of pads and even jeans – but I was too ashamed to tell anyone. Apparently my hymen was torn and also ruptured something else. I almost died from the blood loss and was extremely anemic. I couldn’t even play in P.E. (gym) class. All because I didn’t know how to say no. To make matters worse, he went to school and told everybody he scored (even though it barely lasted three minutes). How humiliating.

We can ignore the fact that teenagers and young adults have sex – or we can acknowledge and talk about it. Luckily for me, I wasn’t labeled a whore or made an outcast because of it – but there are so many young women who are. Knowing who you are is half of being a woman. If you’re not sure about yourself – chances are you’re not sure about having sex. It can wait. If you don’t know that unprotected sex can give you diseases you can’t see – chances are you need to hold off on putting out. If you’re not in a steady relationship with one guy – you definitely want to re-think your choice.

Trust me, it catches up with you in time. Promiscuous girls back in my day are still finding it very hard to get into serious relationships with men at 25-28 years old. Guys still remember what you did last summer, or the summer of 2002 AND who you did it with. Many of the girls I grew up with have children but no fathers for them, no wedding ring and no money. If you don’t know that not using condoms can lead to pregnancy – WAIT. He won’t die, and if he leaves for someone else then he wasn’t worth your time.

I held out a lot, mostly because I had the same boyfriend from age 13 to age 21. Even then, we had serious discussions about sex – sometimes we practiced celibacy. It’s a true test of a relationship when a guy doesn’t need sex to be around you. If you’re worth it, he’ll wait. Take your time, get to know him. Sometimes – you’ll find out he has a disease that even he didn’t know about. It’s the simple things in life that make the biggest impact.

If you need to talk about it – I’m here. Think about it before you do it.


About the Author


A NY transplant in Florida, Kimani has taken on the task of educating the world on sexual health and education. The Mount Vernon native has seen AIDS and HIV spread through her community like wildfire, and hopes to cease the transmission of these and other diseases one person at a time. If you know better, you're inclined to do better.

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