Today I read the news that Black America’s TV father, Bill Cosby – finally admitted to the rape allegations that have been in the media for the past few years.
I had to pause. Then smile.
After that brief moment of relief, sadness took over me. This is just too easy – there has to be more than what’s on the screen.
So, I go on Facebook to see what my peers are saying, and sure enough – we’ve got some defenders.
“Don’t let this distract you from what’s really going on.”
What’s really going on?
You mean, like millions of women getting raped every day? All over the world?
Yeah, that’s really going on.
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It baffles me how any self-respecting individual could ever put the potential slander of one man over the shaming of millions of women. Did you really think all of those allegations were unfounded? Decades of druggings and rapings and molestation? No one took any of those women seriously? Now you see why many women don’t bother coming forward.
I mean, what’s the point of telling your friends, when they’re going to advise against calling the authorities? Why go to the hospital for a rape kit, when people will label you and judge from afar? Who’s going to let you cry on their shoulder indefinitely while you heal physically and mentally? You brought this on yourself. Stay home.
That’s what I told myself after a while. The guy I was seeing at the time basically told me I was asking for it. I was “Naive.” You’re right. I was naive to trust someone I’d known for years with the power to allow me an hour to sleep off the drinks I’d had. It was stupid of me to keep all my clothes on (save for my shoes) and curl up into a little ball while I slept under blankets, alone. I was the dumb one for not driving home drunk or sleeping in my car on a sidewalk somewhere on South Beach. Yes, me. Not the friend of my ex who could have just left me alone. Or called his wife and phone boned if he felt so horny.
Silly me.
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But, Bill Cosby is married – why would he do such a thing? Oh, I dunno – for the same reasons that other married men have sex with other women. Thrill, power, a gauge of their manliness. Imagine when the intrigue of those things wear off; when you get tired of the women who actually want you – now you want the ones who don’t. Why don’t they want you, right? They probably just need a little coercing. Maybe a few more drinks, and this roofie will help her loosen up. Would you look at that – it worked! She’s so comfortable, she’s unconscious. Perfect time to make her feel good. Then I’ll generously have my driver take her home and carry her gently to her bed.
A real Prince Charming.
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Do we see anything wrong yet? Probably not, I’ll dig deeper. Considering the hypothetical scenario above, and Mr. Cosby’s considerable amount of wealth – what are the odds that a woman with an opposing story would be taken seriously? What would it take for people to believe that she’s not out to get his money? Or take him down as a powerful Black Man? Could he really be a rapist? But he invented Coogi sweaters and Pudding Pops. How did this happen?
It’s simple. Some people are deviants. Male and female alike. Once we as a society come to understand this, just like we understand that serial killers exist – we can restructure how rape is perceived in the world. When we stop acting shy and embarrassed about sex overall – we can take a magnifying glass to sexual assault.
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Molestation. Say it. Mo-les-tayyy-shun.
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Have you ever even said the word “sexual” out loud before? You know how many people can’t do it without blushing, but have children? It’s scary.
Do I want to come to terms with the fact that one of my children could be sexually assaulted or molested in the future? No, but it’s a possibility. If you’ve watched Law & Order SVU even once in your life you’ve seen a real life rape story. Just like you get sexually aroused when you focus on an object of desire, there is someone out there that gets aroused when someone tells them no. Even more when they decline an advance or push them away. That person is fully capable of plotting their next attack and executing it perfectly. Rape can be completed so well that even the victim is left unsure, but if she thinks she was raped – chances are she was. Believe her, and help her find out what happened. Even if she decides not to pursue any criminal charges – support her. More likely than not – she’s telling the truth.
He gave qualudes to “at least one woman,” “and other people,” according to the deposition. Moral of the story – accolades or wealth don’t make an individual any less of a sexual deviant.
Other people?
*Gasp!* Oh yes honey, men get raped, too. Stay tuned to see what happens next…
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“Truth doesn’t have an expiration date…” – Beverly Johnson